So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
