So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize