Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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