Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
