so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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