I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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