It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
