The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm always down for nudity.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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