She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
