she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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