I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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