? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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