Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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