We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
