Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
