My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
