I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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