Whatcha textin bout Willis?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
