so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
