Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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