weddingsv make me drug and hornr
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
