We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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