honey bunches of taint.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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