I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
