The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
