I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
