so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
