Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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