If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize