and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
