I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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