I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
