we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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