I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
