It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
