Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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