So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
