Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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