My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
