He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize