im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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