Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
