he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
