was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
