Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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