I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
