Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
