i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
