A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
