Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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