the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize