I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
