Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize