I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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