I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize