me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my shit smells like andre
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize