One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
