You smell like stripper and shame
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
