Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
