I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
