if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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