My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
