I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Farmville is her only friend.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
