So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
