Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
