Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
