Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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