Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
