I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
