My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
