Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
