hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
