i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
