Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
