I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize