do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
