Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
