she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
