wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
you never un-have a 4some
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
