My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize