Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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