Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
