but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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