I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize