He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
