he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
