So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
