im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
