I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
