Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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