The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
