We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
