weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Are we still banned from the library?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
